If Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux hadn’t tied the knot yesterday, it would have seemed like the only Hollywood buzz this summer was over breakups. First Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton, Reba McEntire and Narvel Blackstock, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, and then (really?) Miss Piggy and Kermit. So I caught up with well-known celebrity divorce attorney Ira Garr (Garr is not working with any of the couples) to get some insight on celebrity divorce and snag his insider/expert advice for those who might be entering or exiting a relationship.
What is one piece of advice that you give to celebrity couples facing divorce that would also apply to those who aren’t wealthy or in the public eye?
My one piece of advice actually has three components: Try to take the high road, do not sweat the small issues and do not talk to too many people about your spouse or the case. Divorce can be an acrimonious process, taking the high road eliminates a lot of the unpleasantness. Similarly, if a wealthy couple is arguing about the division of $20 million dollars, fighting over the split of china is ludicrous. Finally, oftentimes what people say loosely to others comes back to hurt them. Also, it is important to find a divorce attorney you can trust and work with them openly and honestly to achieve the best result possible.
As someone who has witnessed many divorces, do you believe in long separations?
If you are referring to people separating for a long period of time before divorcing, I generally find long separations are not helpful. Usually when parties are separated for a long period of time, they grow further apart. They may meet someone else. In addition, if the parties are in a state of limbo on how to divide assets or access to the children, distrust may bud and it may become more difficult, two or three years after a separation, to resolve the issues amicably. Notwithstanding that, there are some cases where the parties are very volatile when they separate and a cooling off period (3 or 6 months) may prove helpful and may help them see clearer. However, if you are talking about a longer period of separation with the hopes of reconciliation between the parties, I have rarely seen anyone get back together after a long separation.
What is the biggest mistake couples make when they begin divorce proceedings?
I do not know if I can single out one specific mistake, but a combination of the following factors could make resolution of divorce cases more difficult.
1. Letting emotions override good judgment.
2. Coming into the process with unrealistic expectations. For example, a husband who works 100/hours a week, but wants 50-50 joint custody (yet cannot exercise that time) or a spouse married for two years to someone worth $20 million dollars (the bulk of which was made before the marriage) expecting she/he is going to walk away with $10 million dollars.
3. And, expecting the court system to make it all right. The courts are overworked. The judges will never be as familiar with the parties’ case as they themselves or their attorneys are. Delays are commonplace in the court system. Trials can often be years away from a commencement date. Therefore, expecting a quick fix or walking into the courtroom with the thought that “as soon as the court hears my story, the judge will be very sympathetic and will resolve this in my favor.” is a big mistake. If that is what they believe, they are kidding themselves.
In your career, you’ve likely seen the good, the bad and the ugly in relationships. What advice would you give a friend or client who is considering marriage?
Ask the right questions of yourself on why you are getting married. Do you share the same core values, i.e., honesty, ethics? Do you have the same feelings about family? Have you considered, should you want children, if they are the type of parent you would hope them to be? I think oftentimes people meet someone, they are attracted to them and they have an exciting relationship. They jump into a marriage without considering that this union will have far reaching legal consequences.
Also, for anyone who has a reasonable amount of assets or expectation of assets, a prenuptial agreement is advisable. It is easier to negotiate the terms of how you would want things resolved, should a divorce ever happen, while you are friendly and excited about starting a new marriage with someone, rather than in the midst of an acrimonious divorce case.
