Are Topps First Pitch Baseball Cards a Boon or an Embarrassing Blunder?

As a lifelong baseball card collector, I’ve had some enviable cards in my hand. From classics like Mickey Mantle and Pete Rose to newer cards like Randy Johnson and Mike Piazza, I enjoy a wide array of teams, players and years. I even relish the occasional offbeat card from a player who burned bright then fizzled out (John Rocker, anyone?). But the recent 2015 First Pitch series from Topps is perhaps too far into left field (no pun intended).

In February, Topps released 15 cards commemorating first pitches. First, there’s the indisputable truth that most first pitches are less than impressive. But how many celebrities, politicians and other public figures have thrown better than a dud?

President William Howard Taft threw out the first-ever ceremonial pitch in 1910. He threw from the stands, not the mound, so that one is hard to gauge! Two of the unarguably best celebrity first pitches came from President George Bush (the younger) and Matthew McConaughey.  There have been some that were entertaining like the flip-flop throw of a Cirque de Soleil performer at a 2011 Padres game. That historic pitch has garnered more than two million views on ESPN’s YouTube channel.

But by and large, the most a public figure can hope for with a first pitch foray is that they’re solidly mediocre. They are not so laughably bad that they become a national joke, or even worthy of playing for a basement team. But now, with Topps’ recent First Pitch Series, celebs may find their discomfiture permanently memorialized, should anyone care to purchase it. Here’s a rundown of the 15 card series and the quality of the pitch captured:

• Jeff Bridges (LA Dodgers) – Channeling his Big Lebowski character, “The Dude”, Bridges bowled his pitch into home plate. Not a total embarrassment.

• Jack White (Detroit Tigers) – The White Stripes lead singer tossed in a bouncer to Santa Claus with little fanfare and didn’t seem bothered by his poor showing.

• McKayla Maroney (Boston White Sox) – The powerhouse Olympian gymnast stuck to her strong suit and did a couple of flips before lobbing a 10 footer.

• Eddie Vedder (Chicago Cubs) – Pearl Jam front man Vedder threw a cutter, but at least he got it to the plate without a running start.

• Biz Markie (Oakland Athletics) – Markie may be a legendary beat boxer but he couldn’t even get close to the batter’s box when he tossed his sad pitch.

• Agnes McKee (San Diego Padres) – No one can criticize the 105 year old for teetering on her walker and tossing an underhander. McKee also grabbed a beer at the game.

• Austin Mahone (Atlanta Braves) – Teen singing sensation Mahone gets props for getting thousands of screaming teen girls to watch a ball game.

• Jermaine Jones (LA Dodgers) – Soccer star Jones did a nice turn with one high and outside pitch then a soccer style kick neatly blocked by catcher AJ Ellis.

• Tom Willis (Kansas City Royals) – Willis has no arms but a ton of heart and has thrown out more than 22 first pitches at different MLB games.

• Graham Elliot (Chicago Cubs) – There’s virtually no video of MasterChef Elliot’s first pitch to be found, so the slimmed down chef escaped ignominy.

• Tom Morello (Chicago Cubs) – Rage Against the Machine’s Morello often rages against hometown Cubs when they’re losing, but his first pitch is impossible to find online.

• Macklemore (Seattle Mariners) – The Thrift Shop singer actually brought a little game. His pitch wasn’t fast but it went squarely over home plate.

• Suzy (LA Dodgers) – The petite South Korean singer of Miss A fame walked nearly halfway to home to toss her high lob but looked adorable in her home run gear.

• 50 Cent (NY Mets) – Let’s face it, centenarian Agnes had a better showing than 50, but at least he laughed off how badly he blew his ceremonial toss.

• Meb Keflezighi (Boston Red Sox) – The Boston Marathon winner showed he wasn’t a one trick pony when he lobbed a slow strike over home plate.

This strange cast of characters has me wondering how Topps curated this collection. It also raises the question of whether issuing celebrity cards cheapens the glory of being captured in cardboard for legitimate athletes. Little League players can now get their team pictures in the form of a custom baseball card so it’s less of a unique thrill perhaps than it once was.

In the early 1990s, sales of baseball cards topped $1.5 billion. Two decades on and sales had dropped to less than $200 million. With digital being the new standard, it’s easy (yet painful) to envision a future where the latest players earn their stripes on an e-card while physical cards become a collectible relic like movie lobby cards of eras gone by.

It makes sense that Topps is looking to keep themselves relevant and profitable by branching out. But are celebrity cards the way to accomplish this? Are First Pitch cards the MLB equivalent of the participation trophy? And even if these character cards bolster flagging sales, is it worth the cost to the cult of cardboard? Or will Topps turn off their core audience with this blatant profit-seeking device? What’s next – Kollectible Kardashian Kards?