It was the 1989 murder of My Sister Sam star Rebecca Schaeffer that woke up America to the dangers of stalking. But 28 years later, the peril continues as was evidenced by the killing of former The Voice contestant Christina Grimmie, who was shot to death last year in Orlando, Fla., while signing autographs for fans following a performance.
Grimmie’s death “should be a huge wake-up call,” says NCIS star Pauley Perrette, who has been stalked for more than a decade. “Anyone at any time could suddenly become a victim of a stalker.”
As a result, Perrette is working to change laws that she says are outdated or ineffective.
“The tragic case of Rebecca Schaeffer was pretty much the last time the laws were updated,” Perrette told Parade.com in this exclusive interview. “Think of what has happened since then: the internet. The internet is any stalker’s greatest tool.”
On Saturday night’s 48 HOURS: Stalked, reporter Erin Moriarty will sit down with Perrette to talk about the issue and the changes in the legal system the NCIS star would like to see happen, as well as talk about what it feels like to be targeted and how being stalked makes Perrette’s life feel smaller.
And Perrette isn’t alone. There are more than 7.5 million cases of stalking reported each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control. So the two-hour program will also talk to a lawyer, a single mother, and an internet celebrity who are also stalking victims to get their take on the issue.
Following is more of Perrette’s interview on the subject in which she discusses how frightening it is to talk about stalking, how little support there is for its victims, how everyday people are as likely to be stalked as celebrities, a tip on social media safety, and more.
How hard was it for you to sit down and talk to Erin Moriarty about stalking since it is so close to you?
It is so frightening to talk about stalking. We have realized that that is part of the problem. Stalking victims do not talk about stalking. There are many psychological reasons for that, and one of them is that being stalked takes over so much of your life, you don’t want to give it any other part of your life. Also, for whatever reason, like victims of many crimes, most stalking victims seem to think somewhere in their head that there is something they did wrong, or they could have avoided this somehow when it’s absolutely not true. You’re a victim of the stalker. That’s it.
Also, there is no support group for stalkers. There really is nothing. A few stalking victims got together and started talking about stalking, and it became such an unbelievably healing thing. I am blessed with so many family members who are so supportive of me, but when you talk to someone who has had the same experience, it is a big deal. You don’t have to explain what it feels like. They know.
When stalking victims get together it is unbelievable how we all have the same stories about how the system has failed us. Law enforcement often isn’t educated in what the crimes mean. When it comes to the court system, different victims from different places say the same thing. Being stalked was bad enough, but the thing that broke their heart was the way they were treated by the system, needing help and just not getting it.
Here in L.A., following the murder of Rebecca Schaeffer, the LAPD set up the Threat Management Unit. But it sounds as if you’re saying that it wasn’t enough. That laws need to be changed so they have something to enforce.
I have a seven-point deal on what needs to be changed immediately and my very first point is no internet mentions. Your stalker shouldn’t be allowed to do that. When you have a restraining order against you, you should lose your right to carry a weapon. When you have a restraining order against you, you should lose your right to talk about your victim on the internet. It is as simple as that.
We’ve found that certain stalkers have effectively figured out how to use our court system to stalk their victims, which is just incredible. If you have a restraining order, you can’t be within 200 yards or 100 yards, whatever your restraining order states, of your victim. Well you can, if you sue them. That’s all they’ve got to do.
Many stalking victims have continuously been sued by their stalker because there’s no rules in the courthouse. You have to show up and defend yourself, even if it is a frivolous lawsuit and there’s no private room for victims, so you have to sit in the hallway with your stalker until you get that worked out. Not only do they get to see you, but they are again commanding your life. They are commanding your schedule. They have decided where you are going to be that day.
Another thing that has to be included in the law is that no stalker should be able to file a lawsuit in small claims or in civil court against their victim without prior permission from the court, just like in a vexatious litigant ruling, and without prior bond from the court, meaning they are responsible for whatever money you have to pay to go defend yourself. Hopefully, judges will see through that and not allow them to take their victims to court all the time.
People think this is a celebrity-only problem, but everyday people are stalked as well.
Absolutely. The large percentage of people that are stalked are stalked by someone they had a relationship with before. I think the stalking cases that we hear about, unfortunately, are celebrity cases, so people think it is a celebrity problem. It is not.
It is also a problem that someone may know nothing about and think it has nothing to do with them but by tomorrow, you could be the victim of a stalker. Sometimes it is someone you had a relationship with; sometimes it is a complete stranger that somehow gets fixated. There is a lot of mental illness involved in this.
One victim in our group has been stalked for years by someone who just saw a photograph her, another stalker just saw this gal at a play, a stranger, and she became a stalking victim. The origins of these things are all over the map, although, the majority are from someone you had a relationship with. But it can be random, so everyone needs to pay attention to this. You or someone you love could be next.
Years ago, you did a panel on internet safety. What advice do you have for people who think they might have a stalker?
As far as social media goes, there are pretty simple rules for anyone. A hard and fast rule for me is I never say where I’m going, I only say where I’ve been. I am not going to be, “I’m going to be here.” But the next day, I might say, “I did this last night,” just to not pinpoint your location anywhere.
One of the problems that victims have had with the system is if the stalker is using the internet in any way, and everyone is using the internet, then law enforcement often says to the victim, “You shouldn’t use social media,” which is very unfair because the stalking victim is the victim of a crime. We strongly believe it is the stalker that should be told they can’t use the internet. They should have the parameters put on them and not make a stalking victim’s life even smaller by telling us we are not allowed to use the internet.
48 HOURS: Stalked airs Saturday, Feb. 25 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on CBS.
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