“I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.” In the June issue of Vanity Fair, Monica Lewinsky writes about her salacious affair with the former president and shares her side of the story for the first time in 16 years. “It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress.”
Lewinsky wants to set the record straight. In case you’re wondering, no, she wasn’t paid off by the Clinton family to keep quiet until now. The 40-year-old says she’s tired of “tiptoeing around my past—and other people’s futures,” adding, “I am determined to have a different ending to my story. I’ve decided, finally, to stick my head above the parapet so that I can take back my narrative and give a purpose to my past. (What this will cost me, I will soon find out.)”
In her description of what happened, the former White House intern is adamant that the act in question took place between two consenting adults. “Sure, my boss took advantage of me,” she reveals, “but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship. Any ‘abuse’ came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position.”
Of all people, Hillary Clinton could have been one of her most vicious attackers. The First Lady did refer to Lewinsky as a “narcissistic loony toon” in a private paper, but Lewinsky felt it could’ve been worse, remarking, “If that’s the worst thing she said, I should be so lucky.”
Some of her toughest critics, it turned out, were potential employers. While her White House internship should have been a springboard to a successful career, Lewinsky had a rough time finding work in the wake of the affair. She describes being turned down for numerous jobs “because of what potential employers so tactfully referred to as my ‘history.’”
Immediately following the scandal, Lewinsky recalls becoming “suicidal” and notes that Tyler Clementi‘s suicide in 2010 after video streamed online of him kissing another man inspired her to break her silence. In reading about Clementi’s torment, “my own suffering took on a different meaning. Perhaps by sharing my story, I reasoned, I might be able to help others in their darkest moments of humiliation. The question became: How do I find and give a purpose to my past?”
Now that she has this global recognition, Lewinsky says she wants “to get involved with efforts on behalf of victims of online humiliation and harassment and to start speaking on this topic in public forums.”