At a certain age, we think we know what’s what about dating. Then again, maybe we don’t if we’re a new fish in the sometimes turbulent dating tank. If you’re ready to make a few waves and sharpen your dating skills among the age 45+ demographic, I’ve got all the help you need from professional matchmaker Carmelia Ray of Myx TV’s Mom vs. Matchmaker.
The Asian-American-centric 24/7 network is available on satellite and cable. Be sure to watch the June 7 finale at 8 p.m. ET/PT. You can also stream past episodes.
On the show, Carmelia stays her expert course against mothers who think they know best as she seeks the ideal match for their currently matchless kids.
I asked her to weigh in here with tips for readers. First remember that as we age, we may be a bit more cautious and protective about dating, she says. “Millennials connect immediately on their phones and are at Starbucks an hour later to check out their prospective new partner.”
That is fast. If you’re taking your time, read what Carmelia says about finding your next special someone. Oh, and watch the finale to see how it’s done. So when you’re ready to date, she suggests the following.
Don’t be afraid. Just go for it and try online dating. Be unstoppable, competitive and focused. Be really conscious of your photo, since it’s the first thing people see. Gals, remember that men are highly visual. Guys, remember that women think most of the photos men post online are a turn-off.
Don’t take things personally. Not everyone you like may have the same tenacity as you, so if you get rejected it’s probably not so much about you as about them. The number of “no” responses you get puts you closer to that “yes” you really want. And pucker up to kiss as many frogs as you can, because it’s all part of “the process.” Keep your eye on the prize.
Don’t paint everyone with the same brush. They may be coming out of a long-term relationship or marriage, and poof! They’re suddenly in the dating game. It’s all new and a totally different environment.
Don’t get discouraged. Try not to be overwhelmed with so many choices, and maybe, so few responses that fit your criteria. This is a learning process so give yourself an opportunity to discover things along the way. Yes, you’ll encounter situations that make you bristle, like time-wasters who have no intention of getting past a few useless emails with you.
Don’t lower your standards. Make that list of the qualities you want in someone, and only communicate with people who have these things going on. If you meet a really good-looking person, you may ignore the signs you’d originally alerted yourself to notice. If you don’t have a lot in common, why are you engaging them in the first place?
Don’t forget to ask questions first. This is a huge time-saver. Are they single (really), stable and compatible? Do they do what you do, like what you like, and share the same values? Assume nothing.
Don’t stay online. Online is a tool to get offline. You want to move to a face-to-face meeting. If you communicate and haven’t met in one to two weeks, move on.
Don’t skip your research about them. Use Google to search their name. Check out their social media profiles. In 2016, it’s extremely rare for anyone to keep a “low profile.” If they do, and you don’t, ask yourself and them why.
Don’t brag about money. Women find financial stability an asset, and may often choose that over a man’s looks. They don’t, however, love men who are arrogant, boastful or egotistical: Humility is attractive. Don’t pose in front of your Mercedes.
Men may not love a profile photo of a woman with “super cleavage,” which leaves nothing to the imagination. It gives the impression she’s leading with her physical appearance.
Don’t skimp on your profile. Tell a really great story about you, one that’s expressive and reaches out to the person you want to attract. Make the profile really clear about who you are and the kind of person you’re looking for. That way, someone who’s not in line with you will disqualify themselves. And that’s good.
Don’t be lazy. Many men won’t read a woman’s profile, so gals—don’t expect them to “come to you.” Set aside time to do your own searches and enter your own criteria so you’re not just in response mode. This isn’t going to happen overnight.
Don’t restrict your options. Try speed dating, networking, special interest groups, social clubs, classes, lessons and more. Online dating may not be your only ticket to a wonderful partnership. If it all gets to be too much for you, hang in there knowing that most people who are single never expected to be. You’re not all that different.
Here’s a clip to get you motivated. Go find your someone, with Carmelia’s help.
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