A Relationship Question

S.L. In New York, New York, writes:

I’ve been best friends with my male best friend, Justin, for our whole lives. Our mothers have been best friends since they were teens. We started dating about a month after he broke up with his now ex-girlfriend. We didn’t speak for the whole time he was with her because she was so controlling and intimidated by his and my friendship. When Justin contacted me after that, it was only a week before I moved 3,000 miles away across to New York. The week before I left, we went on a few dates, confessed our feelings for each other, and agreed to a long-distance relationship. That week was pure bliss. After I was gone, we would webcam, call, text, and constantly profess our love for each other.

I was gone for only a month when my grandfather passed away, and I flew back to California. Justin and I saw each other, and everything seemed fine. But after I returned to New York, his behavior changed dramatically. He would no longer webcam with me, and the way he talked was more friendly and less romantic. In other words, the spark was gone. Why do you think he changed? Do you think it’s because he didn’t have enough time to heal from his previous relationship and now he’s realizing that he misses her? Or do you think he stopped loving me? How should I handle this situation? Should I break up with him or communicate with him how I’m feeling? Please help me! I’m lost and miserable.

Marilyn responds:

I think that back when Justin first called (after his breakup), he was on the rebound and looking for another relationship, pronto. And he thought of you. So you were just what he wanted–or maybe needed–at the time. But when you moved away, you couldn’t provide that physical closeness any more, and he was likely healing from his former relationship, too. I suggest that you do what Justin is doing–stay in touch now and then, at least as friends, and don’t suggest anything more. (Don’t break up, and don’t tell him how you’re feeling.) More important, get back out there on the dating scene and have fun.